Words Of a Feather

I was asked this question by my sister in the afternoon

“Who’s more important, your friends or your family?”

As someone with a lot of love to give, I answered “both”

She looked at me as if I went crazy

She reasoned that everybody else would pick their family

I knew that, yet that didn’t matter to me

I knew both were as important as day and night, and I was unable to live without one or the other

But eventually, we moved on, and I was left to reflect

In the end, I think she was making a big fuss over nothing, as usual

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Family are the mountains

They are strong and sturdy, never wavering

They are part of the Earth before you are born

Family is what unites people

Family is who you come to when you need an immediate person to cry on

Family is who may judge or chide you even with good intentions

Family is something you are born with, or for some, something you find

Family will be mad at you when they fail to protect you

Family will always love you, even when you no longer chat

The Himalayan Mountains or the Appalachian Mountains are always connected, they are one in the same

There is a reason family is always united by blood – because blood comes from the heart

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Friends are the trees, the flowers, and all the other plants

You find one outside and take it for your garden of friends

Friends come in all different shapes, colors, and sizes

Friends allow you to be more bold, expressive, humorous, and witty

Friendship is a challenge that anyone can overcome with the right people or the right garden

Friends may make you jealous, spiteful, ashamed, and alone

They may die out or they may have been weeds all along

Yet this is what makes friendship a hallmark of importance: they will blossom under the right conditions

Friendship is as cherished as a plant because you choose them

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I can understand several reasons why I should pick my family

“Blood is thicker than water”, they say, because blood is what connects people

Blood of family is thicker than the water of friendship

My family is forever part of my life since I was birth and until I will die

Families are larger than friends

Families are sacred, passing down each aspect of their tradition and culture to the next generation

Keeping their way of life alive

Many have such a strong connection because family will always be there

So it is important to cherish it

There are not enough words or enough time to describe the sheer significance of family

Every experience with my family is an experience with other people like me

Other people who choose to love me just because they are connected to me

People who can’t leave me or ghost me

That’s why there’s Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, but not Friend’s Day

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My friends, on the other hand, are a symbol of who I am

Back in the 7th grade, I was lone in a strange world

A world where I was surrounded by new people and old allies

Yet barely any friends, only random women I called “friends”

These women were random acquaintances I talked to

I tried to get their attention, I tried to do what they liked, and more

Yet none of them ever noticed me

Whether I shouted atop of a building or shrieked from the ground

None of them would turn an eye to me

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This wasn’t the first time this had happened

I have already done this dance before

This painful, pointless dance across a floor of spikes

Continuously poking me until I give up

I was invisible and nobody would even notice if I was gone or not

No matter how much I screamed and scratched to get an ounce of recognition

Nobody would ever look me in the eye and talk to me

I refused to go through all of this again

After one of the girls forgot to invite me, her “best friend”, to her birthday party

I decided enough was enough

As they continued to pull my heartstrings, I snapped the strings

It felt free to finally let go of the strings of strife

Yet I soon lost that freedom as it became freedom from everyone

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I wanted it all to go away

The feeling of unacceptance and uncertainty

The solitude that the world had doomed me to, not wanting me around anymore

I refused to seek help or tell anyone because I thought they would continue to ignore me the way everyone else has

And for every singular moment of peace and solace I could find, there were several more with tears and suffering

Night spent making my pillow so wet, it was as if the pillow was crying

So the more I stood still, the more time passed by, not taking a second to notice me

I didn’t know if the world wanted me gone or couldn’t care less

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…So what if I was gone?

What if I faded away from existence?

I believed in the insignificance of my life

I believed in the hopeless reality that I would ever find enough people to care for me

Thoughts told me that I didn’t matter and that I should no longer be alive

Thoughts told me to embrace the joyful sadness of my lamentation

Thoughts told me to go away, to disappear, to die

Thoughts told me it wouldn’t matter if I died because nobody would care for longer than a day at least and a week at most

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Over time, I found the right friends to nurture and nourish me

We spent days upon weeks upon months together

And best of all, these people would never exclude me; they wanted me

I finally understood that I mattered to these people as much as they mattered to me

Finally, I wouldn’t die out

Finally, my era of freedom was replaced with an era of camaraderie, connection, and worth

I could truly understand that the world always cared for me and had the right people to tend to me

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My family is the reason I’m here to begin with, my friends are the reason I’m still here

Both groups of people create who I was, who I am, and who I want to be

Henceforth, it is impossible for me to pick a side

I will be there to be another mountain holding the world together

And I will be there to be another plant providing life for the world

I have my reasons for both