Words Of a Feather

I miss you, mom

I miss all those chances where we could have had fun

The times where we could have sat down and gotten our nails done

To chat about school drama or the economy

I miss every time you called me to your bed to talk to me and praise me

Even though I had nothing to say in return

I miss you, even when you were working late so I could have a stable future

I miss all those mother-daughter pep-talks we could have had

I miss all those times where you trusted me to take care of the house

And watched me grow into an incredible woman

I miss you when you aren’t there

I miss you, longing to make up for lost memories

And yet I can’t

Because when you are around, I fail to find you

I can’t bring myself to talk

And my brain can’t bring words to speak

So I watch as you work hard without me

Travel without me

Grow as a person without me

And I miss all those times where I didn’t have you

|

I miss you, dad

I miss all the items you bought for me

I miss all the times we took a road trip somewhere and did nothing together

But speak once or twice to our distant family

I miss every moment we spent as you tried to make me healthy

And I’d move on from the era in a week

I miss all those times I was excited to go to your house even when I didn’t go to you

I miss all the times you tried to comfort me and it didn’t work

I miss all the possibilities between the two of us

How similar we are, yet different

I miss all the chances we had to grow up together

For you to inspire me to be a better person

With you, I try to be more personal

Yet my tongue is tied and my body aches at the thought of speaking

I fail to recognize a proper way of having a discussion

I wish I could save another moment just for us to share a word

We do, I admit, but it is cut short

I miss how you were always at work and I was alone

I miss you, yet you aren’t missed

|

I miss all those times I failed to love both of you

Even though we’re all flawed, I love you from the bottom of my heart

I miss all the opportunities I had to love you

I miss all the ways I could have loved you

I miss all the ways we could have been connected

I miss all those times we could have hugged and been proud of each other

All those times I could have found solace and comfort in you both

I miss the way I could have grown as a person alongside you

Those times are gone

|

I miss the way we could have learned so much about each other

Like normal kids do

All the times we could have fought for or against my freedom

While I sit or stand here and nothing happens

And every time I try to voice my concern, my voice has its own battle with itself

Unable to find the words

That’s pretty ironic for a poet

I miss all those times you were at work and I longed to be with you

I longed to talk to you as much as I talk to my friends

I longed to be loved by you not because I don’t act out, but because I don’t act at all

I longed to be a better daughter, like how I’m longing as I write this

While I come closer to growing up and leaving

I fail to remember the good times we had together

|

I miss you when you’re gone

I miss the chance to not miss you when you’re not

I miss you, even though you’re still here